Every day, Emily Coop-air wakes up and chooses violence.
Thank the powers that be for Emily in Paris Season 2. It's the show we love to hate. It's free therapy. It's...giving me that je nais se quoi!
I truly never know where to begin with this show, other than the fact that it literally sustains me throughout my worst crises — of which there have been many. There's the dialogue, the titular character's (Lily Collins) borderline absurd pronunciation of common French words, the very white feminist marketing firm shenanigans...I could go on.
Another noteworthy element: Emily's channeling of '90s barbie meets JoJo Siwa fashion that is so unfathomable to me, I felt the journalistic urge to document it all here. Before we get started, some rules: I'm only ranking Emily's non-casual attire (so, none of her workout fits), and since this is a worst looks list I won't be including her sparingly on-point ensembles (for example, the dress she wore to the ballet). Here we go!
26. What beef does Emily have with plain clothing that has no prints (whether floral, polka, or otherwise)?
Let me start with the positives: That leather (hopefully faux) is beyond cute, and I could see the appeal of the purse as well. Now, the negatives: The dress itself, which is why this outfit makes the cut. What does Emily have against dresses and shirts that have no prints on them? Will we ever find out? Who's to say?
25. Is it very stereotypically French? Yes. Does it work? Well...
This look is kinda cute! Honestly, I'm jealous of anyone who can pull off a beret. The checkered coat is to die for, but the fact that it has matching shorts is a little amusing. A thigh-high pencil skirt would work better, in my humble opinion.
24. I'm very amused by this one, which is neither a good nor a bad thing.
When I first saw this look, I was appalled. But then, I took another glance and then another and eventually began to warm up to it. Why shouldn't Emily be in her 18th-century Victorian bag? It's better than most of the fashion eras she's paid homage to. Regardless, I can't help but remain joyfully and childishly amused by this outfit.
23. I WILL be issuing a cease and desist for Emily's belts.
This is the floral dress that #19 thinks it is. But a major caveat is the fact that Emily once again pares the dress with the chunkiest belt known to all of mankind. The reasons allude me and keep me up at night. If given the opportunity, I would take legal action against the aforementioned belt.
22. The 11-year-old in me is obsessed with this look.
Despite this, my 21-year-old self is not. This is not Emily's worst fashion faux pas by a long shot, but there's something about this look that's so off in my mind. I can't put my finger on it — is it the pattern itself, the in-your-face purple, the specific shape of the hot pink hat? I'm not sure, but it is deeply unsettling and giving me a headache.
21. Kinda cute — if dated — but that hat is doing a lot.
I'll give Emily some points here since this is definitely an outfit I would have worn if I had the confidence to back in 2015. The tank crop top is cute, but I might have paired it with a maxi skirt instead of traditional boot-cut jeans. Now that hat, is truly, truly, something else.
20. The belt strikes back.
Emily's belt once again rises from the ashes to sow chaos. The dress itself is...unsettling, but maybe passable by 2014 standards. It's the mesh lining and the velvet and the sparkles all together that are throwing me in for a loop. A simple gown, Emily. Consider it, maybe.
19. Get rid of the belt, and we might just have something!
Floral print can be hit or miss, but this one's not too bad! Unfortunately, Emily has a penchant for belts for some reason, so that's one of the main reasons this fit makes the list. Her hot pink heels (not depicted here, obv) are killer, but maybe not the best choice for this outfit. Earlier on, she pairs the look with a casual black cropped windbreaker hoodie, and it's definitely a clash of styles, but not her worst transgression by far.
18. British Gossip Girl is the vibe I'm getting.
Emily has never heard of the phrase "less is more." Emily only cherishes patterned clothing and nothing more. Emily loves a bucket hat when a bucket hat should be "foregoed." That's it. That's the poem I have constructed, and I will leave it at that.
17. Part 2.
We end Season 1 on this outfit — not the worst, but certainly not the best. The two tiny bags are whimsical, I'll give her that. But the oversize lapel pin is confounding and hurting my eyes. Will Season 2 retire Emily's penchant for berets? Probably not, but a girl can dream.
16. Two types of plaid patterns?! In the same outfit?!
I am simply at my limit. As per usual, Emily's jacket game is fairly strong, and I'm a sucker for a good statement piece and/or color like a lime green overcoat. However, I cannot — and will not — stand for her despicable mixing of a diagonal plaid skirt and vertical plaid shirt. Is NOTHING sacred in this world?!
15. Sponsored by the Crayon factory.
I will preface this by once again reiterating that I love Emily's jackets, but the multicolored sweater and pleated skirt combo is begging for Crayola to intervene. How dare she plagiarize them like this?! I can almost imagine what noise the skirt would make as she walks by. *Shudders*
14. Avant-garde is "another word for ugly."
This is what Sylvie tells Emily when she introduces the designing duo Grey Space to her boss. It's kinda how I feel about this outfit as well. I'm here for the transparent neon-outlined jacket, but the dress underneath it (especially paired with the jacket) makes little to no sense. Sigh, Emily, you tried.
13. One of the few times Emily's jackets disappoint.
Say it with me now: Let go of the negative thoughts, Emily. Let go of the floral print, Emily. Let go of any and all shades of pink, Emily. With this daily mantra, I do believe our protagonist can heal and find closure. Honestly, other colors exist! You just have to be looking for them!
12. I am losing my patience with this woman.
Once again, I spoke too soon about Emily's aptitude at picking coats. In no universe (multiverse or otherwise) should there exist a shoe-print overcoat. More specifically, this should not be paired with an entirely unrelated football print skirt. Don't get me started on the bedazzled bowtie choker. I'm sick to my stomach and entirely inconsolable.
11. There's just SO MUCH going on here.
Honestly, I would wear all of these pieces separately, but TOGETHER?! The top is a fave, which is why this ensemble is so high on the list, but the criminal endeavor that is mashing all of these styles in one look...I hereby sentence Emily to fashion jail. The snakeprint skirt, the modern pop art heels, the classic bag — help.
10. Barbie meets 16 Candles meets 2007.
Once again, too many pink tones. It's really doing a lot and ages Emily down; I would not be wearing this ensemble at 25, but at 13 it definitely would have been a must-have for me. I really don't like hot pink mesh skirt, and the light pink satin jacket just clashes so aggressively with it. Her tank is like the only bright spot in a dark, cold, unforgiving universe.
9. This is very displeasing to me.
This is the first business casual dress we see Emily in, while she's still in Chicago. I'm not a huge fan of the print, but it's whatever. Later on, she pairs it with a light pink overcoat, which helps distract from the print. However, it's the first in a long line of monochromatic tones that Emily decides to wear together for reasons that are unknown (and painful) to me.
8. Emily "Queen of Clashing Patterns" Cooper.
Personally, I'm very biased against fringe, so this is an automatic "no" from me. Polka dots died in 2011, and I believe we should let them rest in peace. The jacket is cute, but — once again — paired with a top that has a cartoon face and protruding polka dot bow is not...très chic.
7. Non, nON, NON, NoOOOOOOoOn.
Where to even begin with this monstrosity/atrocity/catastrophe of an outfit? I'm no expert, but I strongly feel that this ensemble violates every fashion law put in place in the history of ever. Let's start with the shoelace choker and end with the pairing of a hot pink fanny bag with a multicolored lavender shawl and houndstooth skirt. I have a theory that this look is so awful that it could only be produced if Cher Horowitz's virtual wardrobe customizer short-circuited and decided to take its revenge out on all of humanity. I need to go lie down.
6. How fitting for this outfit to appear in the "Ringarde" episode.
I'm sorry to Emily's grandmother, who likely stitched this out of the pure goodness of her heart, but it has got to go. For some casual, cozy night in, I could totally understand this (sort of), but this should have never — never — seen the light of day. I mean — c'mon! — tell me this doesn't look like a Christmas tree vomited on Emily! Babes, do better!!!
5. Pink and black is a good combo, but not like this.
One of the prints I'm begging Emily to let go of is houndstooth, particularly when combined with a finer line pattern of Roman statues (moving on). The pink denim jacket is a no-no, especially underneath a black-and-white satin varsity jacket. La plouc indeed.
4. I don't ask for much, except — maybe — why?
Perhaps I am bitter, but this layered look is genuinely making me upset. The sequins alone are enough to bring tears to my eyes, but combined with the mismatched blues and the rainbow-toned Greco-Roman skirt, I'm ready to scream for mercy. Of all the questionable things Emily has done, I will never forgive her for this.
3. Excusez moi?!
No, because, what in the fresh hell is this (a statement, not a question). Let's dissect: an iridescent emerald green faux leather (?) jacket that unintentionally (or maybe not) looks like it has shoulder pads. Also: a black and green (and purple and pink) cheetah print dress or skirt that's sure to induce vertigo on anyone who catches a glance of it. If I were Sylvie (Philippine Leroy-Beaulieu), this would be grounds for immediate termination.
2. I need to rest my eyes.
Trying to figure out what's going on here is hurting my brain. According to the photo service I got this still image from, this outfit is featured in Season 1, Episode 4. But I think I would have remembered something that is this atrocious. The lace undershirt paired with the embroidered red hat paired with this statement "7" shirt...Emily, give me a break!
1. Seriously, seriously, what the actual [redacted] is going on here?!
It's giving Justice. It's giving how I dressed my Bratz dolls when I was 9. It's giving "Mom, no, I will wear this camouflage hot pink skirt with a turquoise jacket because I invented fashion" to the "Mom, why on Earth would you let me wear this in public" pipeline. I mean, honestly, where, oh wear (grammatical error and pun intended), to begin? If I look at this any longer, I will burst into tears.
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